It has been a while since my last post, and a lot has happened. A turning point in life that has much knowledge and application to be carried forward in life. There is much to thank God for, and from what has happened it is very clear to see God’s hand in all this. The past two days has been an incredible blessing. Initially I was thinking to stay home alone for Christmas, but thank God my dear friend Grace invited me to stay over so we could attend Christmas services from my old church. During the time we shared, we have had intensive deep conversations about relationships. This proved very valuable as I shall now go over a brief summary as objectively as I can of what has happened:
- I am now studying masters
- I live on campus and have been blessed with 5 other flatmates, and now call my flat home as we have bonded extraordinarily well in the first week, and I feel like they are my family.
- I have been church seeking and while I had not settled in a church then, what encouraged me in the faith was the Christian Union’s bible study group.
- My relationship with my then boyfriend was facing challenges
- He had issues, but he recognized them and was trying to change through God’s grace
- I had issues, but did not recognize them as important to change
- I value spending quality time, and as we only saw each other once a week, that made things all the more difficult
- As I have been spending a lot of time with my flatmates, I began developing feelings for one of them
- I immediately told my boyfriend, as I wanted to be honest and at the same time accountable. I also told my other sisters in Christ.
- When I discovered my flatmate had feelings for me too, we were placed in a situation that allowed us to have the opportunity to do intimate things with.
- Unfortunately, I had a hard time feeling guilty and was overwhelmed with this strong desire to have a relationship with this flatmate
- I have shared this with my then boyfriend, and I can’t even begin to imagine how he had to cope with this
- Thankfully it ended well, praise God that we were both on the same page, that I accepted and listened to the issues he had with me (not regarding the messy situation we were in)
- I have decided to not start a relationship with this flatmate, though I have been swayed and still have challenges in keeping boundaries.
- But praise God for this Christmas, my friend Grace and her current experiences, my other sisters in Christ and their support, and how God has worked through others to constantly remind and reinforce my decision, that I should not give up in being clear in our boundaries.
God has certainly blessed me with my relationship with Theo, there was much to learn and grow in the faith. Only after everything was over that I truly began to feel the guilt and I embraced this emotion. I should have felt it sooner, and thus a relationship really isn’t mainly emotion based. Just like our relationship with God, it’s not the feeling that you don’t want to praise Him or lack the passion, but being faithful is so much more than that. It’s about not being blinded by our easily swayed emotions.
God has blessed me also with the conversations with Grace. I would like to share my standards and expectations of my type of boyfriend or future husband that would be suitable for me. It has gone through many revisions, and as much as I’d like to delve into them I’m afraid it would take too long! So I shall discuss them in more detail in other posts.
Thank God that even though I’ve done terrible things, not being considerate of people’s feelings, God has not abandoned me. Even though I refused to listen or to be obedient, God still kept trying to reach out to me. He gave me so many warnings, and yet after ignoring them, He gave me Grace. Quite literally. His Grace and my friend Grace! Grace so undeserving, the only thing I can do is praise God for it!