Death of a loved one

No one close to me has died just yet. At least, no one whom I’ve had plenty of memories with, shared treasured times, a person whom I’ve formed strong bonds with… no one close to me has died.

But I’ve just found out this morning, that last night my boyfriend’s grandmother has passed away. I am of course very close with my boyfriend, I’ve formed strong bonds with him, I’ve formed strong bonds with his family too. After many occasions of having lunch with them, being invited on holiday with them, my love for them only grows.

It was just two nights ago that I was having dinner with my boyfriend, his sister and cousin. His sister was sharing how she’s always known her grandmother to be the strong woman, who had such authority in the family. To see her so weak and frail because of the cancer, it seems impossible to register.

I completely empathise with that because that is exactly how I feel about my grandmother.

Thank God however, that they’ve all had the chance to see their grandmother just before she’s gone. It’s very sad. It’s very difficult. I’m already feeling very sad, with tears streaming down my eyes, what more are my boyfriend’s relatives feeling!

I can’t imagine the depths of the pain and saddness they feel.




Sometimes I feel like I should have prayed more and sooner. Would that have made a difference?

Am I really that naive to think that God would bring her back even now?

But whatever it is, we will never know if she’s accepted Christ as our saviour, if God has welcomed her in His dwelling through the redemption of Jesus. We can only hope.

There are so many questions, but really most of the questions all are posed in different forms of why did this have to happen?

But it could have been so much worse. It could have been even more sudden. It is a good thing that the family were already aware of the cancer in advance, that they had the time to make a few visits at the least. That there was at least some time to prepare the mind for what was to come and what had to pass.

My mind is really blank right now. My heart cries out to the family, I pray that God brings them comfort.

There’s only one thought that I can hold on to, that is:

Revelation 21:3-4

“Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

I don’t know why God has chosen these kinds of paths and events in life. Though, I would not have any idea myself what should be done, how can I claim to know better than God?


One thought on “Death of a loved one

  1. My dearest Hilda,
    I thank you for once again sharing what has happened and how you respond to the turn of an event as sad and painful as the passing of a loved one. This will always be a significant time of trial where our faith in God will be put to test as we feel the pain of such a loss and our thoughts becomes vulnerable to random and even negative thinking. This is always the time that we all need God’s presence ever more. This is certainly a time of much needed prayers to our most loving and merciful Lord and saviour. We need to be united in prayers for all inclusive. May we always be prayerful and always endure through all obstacles. And may God bless us all that we may rejoice always in his ways.
    Please convey daddy and mum’s sincere condolences to Theo and his family for their loss. We love you all.

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