Roller coaster of tears

I’ve had my fair share of tears this week. But not as much as some and not as little as others.

A couple of days ago, I was struggling to battle out my fears and worries of work, constantly nagging in my mind with the thoughts of the lack of time to complete it. I also was struggling with something else that made my confidence just worse.

But before I even knew it was coming, God gave me a wonderful song called Still by Hillsong. True I’ve heard the song about a week ago, but it was strange why it had to be that morning before I stepped out of my flat feeling so upset. I cried outside for a bit before facing the streets to get to the studio. Thankfully I had it on my iPhone so I just played it on loop.

The next day I was feeling quite the same, and I thank God I bumped into my boyfriend along the way to my studio. He prayed for me there and then and the rest of the day I was glad I was productive.

Meanwhile things back at home (the flat) were not going great. My flatmate was going through a tough time to which I won’t get into the specifics. It came to a point that she screamed and cried that I did not witness but my roommate did. I knew I did not have the right to be complaining or whining because I wasn’t having all these negative things around me happen all at once.

Nevertheless, I know these emotions are fading and the situation I’m in is all in Gods hands. There’s something to look forward to, beyond this earthly realm, to a loving Father who would end all suffering. So because I know that’s where my security lies, the world becomes a little less scarier, not that I can remove all my fears completely but that ultimately there isn’t anything to worry about.

I thank God for my roommate, that she’s had Gods spirit help her through comforting my flatmate and her mum that is visiting. I was away in Brighton. Sounds quite crazy actually … But I hope that I can continue to be here for our flatmate.

But my roommate and I concluded that without faith, there’s only darkness. The darkness does not know the light. Our flatmate seems to make all her dreams to be all she has and nothing else is worth anything. Not even relationships. So we’ve been praying hard about the whole situation. But we do hope that having God in her life would do more for her than just a crutch because it doesn’t end there. He takes the crutch away and show us what the human condition is truly like, to do the right thing even in circumstances that go against it. Even when society is screaming no.