While working on my portfolio… I was just thinking about my guy friends and how difficult it is to have an extremely close relationship with them without going out of the friend zone.
Actually my greatest fear is that if a guy falls for me and it is clear that I don’t show any interest, they would just leave or wouldn’t meet up like before in groups. Yes… the ‘avoiding’ period. Or somehow this time would come. (Not saying that all cases would be like this)
And why I say this is because I would do the exact same thing. If I was interested in a guy, I would do a lot of things to get him to notice me… but once I realise that he has someone else in his heart or the feelings are unrequited then I would stop meeting up that person or meet up less in order to get over my feelings. I would place my feelings first before his. It seems easier to forget.
The point I’m trying to make is, after you established friendship, you try to take it a step further… but perhaps making extra effort to get their attention. But it’s losing that initial established friendship that I’m afraid of. Not the extra efforts.
Yes this has happened to me before. I confessed, the guy said it was fine and not to worry and then started ignoring me. Then things got awkward.
I guess people may think it would then be easier for me to get over him. This is all so true though, in a worldly context.
But with God in mind, things are different. We are called to love our neighbours. This does not mean to avoid but to treat them like we would any normal friend. I think it is extremely difficult because you have to somehow cope with your feelings. But really my faith in God is what reminds me of greater things. That the feelings that I have are momentary.
Why I think that avoiding is something a Christian shouldn’t do is for 4 reasons.
- It’s for God. His will for us to love all comes first. This is the most important point.
- For our friends. If they do not believe in Jesus, they don’t understand the amazing news He brings. The news of a beautiful relationship with God and life.
- It sets our hearts on God. To avoid selfishness.
- This can take ahold of our hearts and distract us from God. After the point where you avoid, things can have a way (not saying they will) of coming back or reminding. For some people, it might have a greater effect, some less. If one is more prone to take this ‘avoiding’ into heart, and is unable to reconcile those emotions, we are separated from God a step further.
Following from point 4, I must say that because everyone is different, you cannot judge from the surface. You also cannot always make rules and make absolute statements such as: in a relationship you must do so-and-so and your partner will understand. So this writing is mainly for my tendencies as a person.
Let’s just say from my personal experiences and experiences from a close friend of mine, it’s given me the above to think about. Clearly, it is really simplistic. But for me, it’s just food for thought.