So the other day Miru, another guy and I were discussing a sensitive topic. I will not reveal it but we touched on the subject of marriage and how Christians view this. It got me thinking… because I suppose I could just start thinking about those sort of values at a later stage since I don’t even have a boyfriend yet! But then again, I think it would be good to come prepared… or maybe it’s just because I’m a girl! haha *jokes*
I remember my Grandfather telling me the story of how he and my Grandmother came to know of each other and eventually married. Coming from a Chinese background, I call him YehYeh and my Grandmother MahMah. YehYeh, long ago, was planning to become a priest. However, he decided it was not the path that was suited. So his friend (who was a priest) introduced him to MahMah and arranged a time and place for them to meet. MahMah was in fact in a different state in Malaysia. YehYeh unfortunately needed an emergency operation so could not make it to see MahMah. MahMah then travelled all the way to see YehYeh in hospital. But when she arrived, she wasn’t the only woman looking for YehYeh! This other woman ‘loved’ YehYeh deeply and was not willing to give up so easily.
Ultimately, it was of course YehYeh’s decision. He asked each of them separately this one question:
What would you do if one day, I decide to leave you?
The other woman replied ‘I won’t let you go!’. When it came to my Grandmother, she said ‘If it is God’s will, then so be it’. My Grandmother previously experienced heartache of letting her long time 7-year ex-boyfriend leave her for another woman. Though it was a struggle for her, after giving up certain aspirations for her boyfriend (like becoming a nurse), she still pushed through relying on. She loves Jesus so much because of how He helped her and continues to do so.
My Grandfather and Grandmother got together after that, and just after a week they decided to get married, a month later they did, years later they had four children.
I thought to myself… hmm perhaps this is how I know I’d find ‘the one’!
Instead, I’d ask him:
- What would you do if I chose to leave you for another guy? What would you feel, think and do?
If I had to answer his question instead ‘What would you do if I chose to leave you another girl? What would you feel, think and do?’
This is my response:
- My initial human instinct would be to feel crushed, betrayed, hurt. Then angry. However, it would turn to disappointment because I don’t understand how he would do this to God.
This reveals a lot about the kind of guy I am hoping to date. I am seeking for something lasting, not a let’s try it out relationship, I’m hoping eventually it would lead to marriage if possible. I hope he would be loyal and not dishonest towards me, so I can have confidence and trust in him. This is why I would be crushed, betrayed etc.
I hope he would be a seeker of God, one who puts his trust in Him and loves Him. Therefore I would be very concerned about his faith if the guy leaves me for another girl.
Love for Christians is not only just a feeling (or sexual attraction), it is a decision that requires patience, understanding and commitment. It’s from the fruits of the spirit that help us understand what love is.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
- I would think that God has plans for the both of us and to trust Him whatever results.
Proverbs 3:6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
I would think loving him who’s chosen another girl would be so much harder without feeling envy, angry and distrusting.
- What I would do is to talk to him. Try to understand where he is with God and why he made the decision to split up.
I think if anyone asked that question really, it would not only help in understanding how they would feel if their partner left them but also it reveals what they expected of them.