Feeling Awkward.

Oh gosh, last night’s events still echo in my head. It just always come back and it makes me shiver. I don’t know why I feel like this, it’s so strange. I suppose because this feeling comes so rare to the point that I feel really awkward.

Basically… something very unexpected happened — at least for me. Maybe other people might’ve seen this coming but… as usual.. I can’t believe .. *lsdfhjlaksd* 

I’m a person who can find certain things easily shocking or overwhelming… so what happened last night.. was… really… oh gosh.

I have this friend. I’ve only met him a few times. He’s someone who has a friendly face, nice smile and has a studious look. We met up for dinner and after dinner before we parted he tried to kiss me on the lips. I turned so he kissed my cheek and when he tried to aim for my lips I pulled away. I was absolutely shocked. I have no attraction for this guy, which makes my emotional situation worse. Though I am glad that I don’t have feelings which doesn’t make this more complicated than it needs to be.

I just hoped that he would be able to understand who God is. I wanted to honour God’s name but in the end I realise that the situation just wasn’t right. That honestly… guys and girls can’t seem to merely be friends… TT__TT *cry face*

It was strange because earlier that morning, Miru told me she had a dream. We were both given money and were asked to donate it. However the donor could technically do it himself and because he was donating as another religion, we would not be true to our faith. Miru was against it, but I thought why should it matter?

But anyway, that was the dream and it reminded me of what happened last night. I thought why can’t I do this, why can’t I do that? (Meaning just have dinner, give a nice gift etc.) Even though they weren’t actual hints, I suppose people can misunderstand or jump into things — just to give-it-a-go. 

As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

23 ‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say – but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’– but not everything is constructive. 24 No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.

Even if one’s actions don’t have the wrong motive, what does that imply for others? What might that lead to and how would that affect relationships/conditions?

Why I’m feeling really awkward, uncomfortable and upset is because I can’t believe I didn’t honour God’s name clear enough. But also the fact that I have to deal with (sorry no offense) — one-sided feelings. I just hope that he would get over me. Shouldn’t be too hard since I think it’s only attraction. 

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