Okay this is completely a rant

I don’t get it. When someone calls me all the time, tries to keep in contact, sends me this, shares me that.. and when I try to do it the person’s response is like why …..

Whenever the person asks to meet up, if I am available I give my time for that person and organize my time for them. But then if I want to meet up just for fun… people just react so differently. I don’t understand. Maybe it’s because of my lack of initiation that people think hmm why…. suspicious. 

One thing about me is, I hate bothering people, I hate being a burden and I hate being the annoying person. I don’t want to be in anyone’s way or make it seem like it takes so much effort for them to talk to me or be with me.

That’s why I’m more compatible with people who are initiative or bother to meet up with me. 

But of course, the more initiative people are with me, I try to be initiative too. I don’t want it to be one-sided… but it seems that some people just want it to be! I don’t understand. 

They don’t want people to talk back, they just want someone there for them to throw their coats over, hang their bags and take off however they feel like. And I’m not just talking about one person I’m just saying what I notice or get the feeling about. 

These kinds of people … just let me down. It makes me feel really cautious. Not to say I hate them but I just feel really uncomfortable with them. And not saying there are people who… maybe it’s because I’m just … 

I know I can be sometimes vague. But how is saying ‘can we meet up but not now maybe in an hours time before you go’ and then later saying ‘let’s meet at this time’ and the other person asking ‘why’.. like.. what ?! 

I know why I’m feeling like this though. It’s so annoying. I hate it. And I don’t think I can ever completely reveal it here. 

I’m stubborn in the sense that if I request something once, out of the 100000 times people have asked of me something and I get rejected in some way, I don’t ever want to ask or share anything on the table again. I feel in a way betrayed.. if that makes any sense. Which is something I don’t think I should be thinking like. 

Well I’m just going to leave it here for now. Phew… I’ve cooled down now. I thank God I can be humble towards him. In my mind I’ve realized why I shouldn’t feel angry or so frustrated. 

It’s strange how you never see what the writer is like behind the blog post. You won’t ever know where he/she pauses, which sentence took the longest for the words to form.

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