It’s night and I’m about to sleep… that is when I recalled this woman at the Cookie for a Question session at the quad yesterday. I remember she said well maybe we’re just talking to ourselves, sorting our thoughts in our head. For me, I took it as though she was saying that’s who we’re praying to.. ourselves. That the truth is there is no God, or rather we are gods ourselves.
The woman that we met… if I recall if she was the same one who also mentioned that there is God… but rather everyone has their own ‘God’. Meaning it could be art, science, music, a set of beliefs or really… it’s idols. That people’s purpose is to find what their true talent/profession is or to find a place they truly belong… oh don’t we all?
Then I thought this over. Am I really talking to myself? Who am I anyway? I’ve already established that I’m a sinner. I’m definitely not perfect. I know no one can be. There’s always that bad within us. But when I speak, I know who I’m speaking to. It’s God the Father who in all His being is Holy, righteous, perfect, good and unconditionally loving.
When i listen, when I see where He’s trying to direct me, when i read His word, I know I’m not alone. That there’s someone there on the other side. I may be trying to organize my thoughts, but when i ask God what I should do… I’m asking because it’s something i cannot answer myself, because in all my imperfections, there is one that can bring light to the dark deeds of my heart. He reveals them in such unexpected ways and so I know He’s really there.
I really do believe in good and evil. That evil is a thing that can really consume someone and that it does play a great villain in our lives. Some kinds of evil are unnoticeable but attack in the long-term. I’ve come to realize to not take it lightly… people just don’t seem to care. Somehow it’s so hard to be considerate. I guess I don’t understand it myself, because I naturally tend to be much more sensitive.
Yes you caught me, I’m those ‘sensitive’ girls that cry easily. Well … it’s more complicated than that.
But really, I’m the complete opposite to my roommate. Whilst she’s struggling to care, I’m struggling to detach myself. If I’m too sucked in I’ll be enslaved by it.
While she’s confident, outgoing, socially adaptable, I’m awkward, passive and prefer to listen. We have our pros and cons, but very opposite pros and cons. It’s a wonder how God placed us together.
Two different people yet connected by God. We almost had a fall out I remember… I’m so glad it didn’t happen. It got quiet… and I remembered I didn’t know what to do. I was scared to be honest.
Okay now I’m just babbling on. I’ll save my testimony for another day 😛