The first time I met Henry I thought he was one crazy guy! Absolutely shameless and incredibly confident. The night I met him, he stood up with me and sang karaoke at an open bar. He would always be talking to people, made his name big on campus! It seemed like many knew who he was and I have to say he was quite a character.
Who would have known he wanted to commit suicide?
Throughout my first year in university, I came to know and grow close to Henry. He became one of my best friends. Sure his sense of humour was queer and he would from time to time stutter a bit, but his insecurities were pretty transparent. In fact very much so (pardon me for saying so!).
He’s from China, yet he has had a bad past. From young he’s disliked the Chinese culture but was absolutely fascinated with the Western world or at least teachings other than the chinese regime. The history he learned was what he called utter ‘bullshit’. He was even bullied throughout high school because he wanted to speak English rather than Chinese to his local classmates. He only made one true friend and simply grew bitter against the rest of his fellow classmates, which he then generalized to the Chinese traditional mindset. Henry longed for a high school life not under the teachings of China. England would have been best but he would even settle for Hong Kong.
Henry also has issues with his parents. It seems to him that they do not truly love him, rather desire his success (but I do no think it to be true). Henry saw his parents mingle with a society that seemed fake and he did not want to be a part of it.
He tells me he doesn’t care about what his parents think, no. It didn’t matter to him if they lost contact. Henry tells me he wants to forget his past, push it all away. To me it sounds like he’s running away.
Clearly, he’s very troubled about his parents. Henry will always talk in further detail each time a related topic is mentioned. I have asked him to seek help from counselling but well he said he’d rather talk to me about it. He was reluctant to open up to strangers. This makes me scared.
Look at me! I’m not professional! I’m just a friend. Sure I can give a lending ear, but if I’m not careful and get too attached, things will spiral ending with a head on crash! Henry has even told me if it were not for someone who cared about his death, he would have suicided long ago.
To be really honest, I know he has the will to live. He’s just so caught up in his past, so bitter and unforgiving.
I know he needs God, but he refuses to meet Him. The basis of Christianity is love, which according to Henry contradicts his own set of values that include feelings of resentment and unforgiveness.
I can’t help him, in fact no one can but God. For a non-believer it’s hard to see. How do you even begin to take that step? How do you just decide… ‘yes I need God! ‘?
If times are tough, you could even start with
Why God! Why are you doing this to me?
However there comes the time where you must choose to humble yourself and ask God…
Are you really out there listening? Will you help me? If you are willing….
Seek help not only of the Lord but those you trust and those who are trained to help.
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
The Lord’s purpose, his plans for us… what are they? Because he loves us, his plan is to have and grow in relationship with us. Therefore we must communicate! Pray to the Lord, hear the Lord through church, read the gospels and build a foundation of his love for us. Then we can stand strong, fearless of any fall. Only He fills the void in our hearts, earthly pleasures are here for us to enjoy, but it cannot sustain us.
P.S. I used Henry as a fake name, but the rest of the details are true.
I pray for his healing xx